dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
