I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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