It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
