If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
