It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize