My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
