Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
