So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize