I wish I could teleport
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
