I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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