I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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