Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
