Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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