Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
