if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
