Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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