Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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