remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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