oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
