i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
