It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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