After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
