I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ok first of all what the fuck
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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