thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
