I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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