I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
