HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
FUCK WHALES
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