So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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