Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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