that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
