At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
