I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
