i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize