then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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