perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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