Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize