he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
