worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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