he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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