Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
