If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
