Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
