Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
