would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
