So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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