Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
