Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
