Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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