Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will be naked everywhere
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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