I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
