I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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