So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
