Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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