Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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