oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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