Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
