So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
