WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
