I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
