Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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